Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Overcoming the Sense of Failure as a Writer #IWSG

The deep dark certainty we've somehow failed as writers is a common ailment we all get at some point in our writing career. It's part of who we are and why we write in the first place. But just because it's as common as a wart doesn't mean we have to put up with it. There are a number of ways to overcome that horrible sense of having failed as a writer. The first and most important way is:

Don't see it as failure.
You know that tenth, fiftieth, one hundredth rejection letter you're holding in your shaking hands? That isn't failure. Instead it's another stone that's been turned on a beach full of possibilities. You know that paragraph/chapter/story that's refusing to write? That isn't failure either. It's a challenge to accept, a chance to rethink, a puzzle to solve.

Mistakes and mess happen, especially when we're writing a first draft. Even when we've reached a tenth draft. The process of writing is a long, slow and messy one. We have to dig in and get our hands dirty to find a treasure. The first try is bound to turn up a wonky throw-away. It's okay, though. We can tweak, adjust, and fix until that baby shines. Or we can toss it and start over. It's just part of the process and doesn't somehow make us failures as writers.

Make failure work for you.
Say you've failed to achieve a goal. A wholesome wallow can be good for the soul. So do your wallowing, maybe eat some chocolate. But don't let the dark depths drown you. Stand up, dust yourself off and get to business. I don't mean blindly charge forward, gritting your teeth in determination until the next fall. I mean, get to the business of dissecting the failure. Ask yourself where you might've tripped up so you don't trip on the same pebble again. Learn where your weaknesses lurk. Then actively work toward strengthening those areas.

Do the same for your successes. Don't simply celebrate and move on. Analyse why you might've succeeded. Why was this time different? You might be tempted to think you were simply lucky. While luck can have a small amount to do with success, it's never the whole story, nor even the main story. If you spend the time to uncover the cogs turning behind your successes, then you'll be more likely to make success happen again.

There's so much more to writing than sticking to schedules and following the rules. We are complex creatures who feed on creativity and wild extremes of emotion. Writing helps us make sense of the chaos. So the only time we fail is when we quit writing.

What are some mistakes you've learned from?

Photo: A photo I took a few years ago in a cave on the south coast of Australia.

This post was written for the Insecure Writer's Support Group where we share our encouragement or insecurities on the first Wednesday of the month. 

To join the group or find out more, click here

124 comments:

Denise Covey said...

I think feeling a failure at times goes with the territory. Writing is not for the faint hearted. But we have to keep our eye on the goal and for some that means finding our way through some tricky mountains and valleys. Presently I'm re-writing to an editor's suggestions on my ms, both loving and hating the process. Failure is not a long-term goal...success is.

SK Anthony said...

Learning from both our failures and our successes is fantastic advice. It really is all part of the process, as you said. We just have to keep on going and keep on learning. Great post!

Unknown said...

Good advice. In the CSFG writers group there's a bit of a competition going - who can rack up the most rejections in a year. :-)

Anonymous said...

I hated failure when I was younger. I later came to realize that failure is a time to learn and grow. I dissect my successes and failures.

Patsy said...

I don't see every reject as a failure now as I know they don't always mean the story was rubbish - there could be other reasons the market can't use it. Some still hurt though.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Write another best seller when you have no idea how you did it the first three times - that's always fun!
But we can always learn from failure. Plus it keeps us humble.

Gail M Baugniet - Author said...

One lesson I've learned is not to rush things, not to rush through an edit, not to rush a cover design. There is always tomorrow, and new ideas spring up when I take a break.

Nana Prah said...

I love your advice on making failure work for us. I got hung up on the chocolate line for a few seconds (celebrating your permission).

Natalie Aguirre said...

We need to read your post during our dark moments. Writing in part is so hard because sometimes the rewards out there in the world are just not that great. But there's always a good way to look at it.

Miranda Hardy said...

Just pick up and keep going, no matter where you are or what you've done/not done. I think that's the most important. Never give up on your dreams.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Wonderful attitude, Lynda. It's only failure if we don't learn or we quit.

Unknown said...

"You know that paragraph/chapter/story that's refusing to write? That isn't failure either. It's a challenge to accept, a chance to rethink, a puzzle to solve."

I SO needed to read that this morning! I've got a deadline and novel hanging over my head that just isn't seeming to happen. 'Course, life is constantly getting in the way & prohibiting my sitting down at the computer, but still. It's definitely defeating.

Thanks for the encouragement today!!

Unknown said...

You always have the best photos!
I guess that comes from living in such a photogenic environment.

Luanne G. Smith said...

Often the only way to truly learn is to fail repeatedly until finding the right answer. That's how my writing and revision usually go. Try something, see it doesn't work, and then go back and try something else until it does work. Takes forever! But it's a process I'm willing to go through.

DEZMOND said...

I bet Lyndy took it herself... unlike this lil' spy she never steals them :)

Suze said...

'So do your wallowing, maybe eat some chocolate.'

I'm wondering how chocolate would travel from the west coast of the US to Australia. Would I have to pack it a certain way? I'd think so. It's not quite like Space Invaders drink markers and Dubble Bubble.

Hmmm.

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

I think dissecting and analyzing our failures AND successes is a great idea, and one I'm definitely going to apply. Thanks for the tip!

Madeline @ The Shellshank Redemption

Chemist Ken said...

I've learned that no matter how much I learn about writing, I'll always be learning more, so there's no point in reworking my manuscript over and over again every time I learn something new. Save it for the next manuscript.

Julie Flanders said...

I definitely needed to read the part about the chapter that's refusing to be written. Love the idea of accepting it as a challenge. Maybe that is the kick I need to finally get out of my writing slump.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Lynda. Great advice.

cleemckenzie said...

Learning from our mistakes is always good advice. And I like to be reminded of it.

SittieCates said...

Making failure work for you is sometimes difficult, but it's worth it. Love the post!

Anonymous said...

This struck home. I've been taking a workshop from a published author--Richard Bausch. Quite successful. He has no sense of failure anymore about what he does. It's part of him and it works. I wonder at what point in his life that happened and do I have to wait that long?

Carol Riggs said...

The trick is knowing when to move on, with certain stories. Are they just "practice" and a great learning experience, or can we figure out how to fix them and make them sellable? I do like challenges, but sometimes it's wiser to walk away. (Or shelve it until I reach a point that I have a breakthrough and figure out what will make the ms work/shine.)

Pat Hatt said...

Failing is just one more way we learn not to do something, have to push on indeed

Jenni said...

I definitely need to wallow in chocolate at first, but with time, I'm usually able to see the lesson in failure.

Theresa Milstein said...

I'm noticing Insecure Writer posts that are more poignant than usual. I wonder if this time of year is collectively a time of reflection or insecurity. Your advice about rejection letter is spot on. We are not failing, even if it feels like it.

H. R. Sinclair said...

Great interpretation of the rejection letter. That's a nice way to look at it.

S.A. Larsenッ said...

Finding value in every failure makes a failure a stepping stone - not a failure. (LOL, yes I did use that word 3 times.) Thanks so much for this.

Meradeth Houston said...

Great post! I know I've definitely felt that, but finding a way to keep going is certainly an important part of reaching goals!

Rachna Chhabria said...

I learnt from my last colossal mistake. I had queried too fast. Should have queried much later. But we live and learn. Learning from both: our successes and failures is a good thing.

Nick Wilford said...

Very wise post. We wouldn't expect to be successful straight away in any other field, so why writing? The mistakes are what teach us to get better, like you said.

Anonymous said...

Writing helps us make sense of the chaos.<<-- This!

Such an inspiring post and a great way to look at things and the failures we encounter. Thank you!

Cherie Reich said...

Sometimes I think we have to experience failure to appreciate--and even realize--success. I like how you mention analyzing success too. It's easy to celebrate and move on, but it's important to know how to recreate it, just as much as it is important to remember a failure, so you can avoid it next time.

Unknown said...

I like that you've gone to the next step--what to do after you've realized something you're insecure about as a writer.

Crystal Collier said...

Beautiful picture!

As a teen, I totally saw failures as a challenge. As I've gotten older, I've kind of forgotten that go-getter attitude. Maybe it's a lack of energy, but I appreciate the reminder. Life is what we make of it and failures are only failures if we quit trying. =)

Mark Murata said...

That photo could be the setting for part of a story -- either an initial emergence into the world, or the frantic escape during a climax.

Anonymous said...

A wise post. We all go through such thoughts. No failures for us - just small steps towards success.

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

I want to say I'm getting better at accepting failure, but the truth is I'm living with my head in the sand. I'm not putting myself out there. Hence, no stretch or challenge and no threat of failure. I need a kick in the butt. Thanks, Lynda. Oh, did my mum send you?

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Some failures hit harder than others but I try to learn from them.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Navigating those mountains and valleys is definitely tricky. Best wishes for your editing.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

It's about moving forward with eyes wide open.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

So funny, yet oddly encouraging to keep sending out those queries.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I was the same when I was younger.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

And that's why it's still okay to do a little wallowing. There's no sense pretending some of those rejections don't hurt.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

lol you'll do fine with your fourth. Just don't rush it.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Great advice. Rushing gets us into all sorts of trouble and causes far too many missed opportunities.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Chocolate is the answer to most problems ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

That's why we shouldn't write 'to get published'. That's not where the true joy comes from.

S.P. Bowers said...

It's not a failure if you can take what you learned and move forward from it.

Great advice, as always.

Juneta key said...

Failure has been made into such an ugly thing in todays society, but without failure we would never walk. Toddles fall down and get back up to learn to do it well. Failure is actually only a learning curve, for without it we would not learn anything.

Even saying that it is sometimes hard to take, especially the older you get I think because you think adult. I should know it all, or I do not have that many begin again in me. It is funny that life is a school and we are its students. You can apply that to everything you encounter throughout a lifetime.

I like the positive slant of analysis you put on failure.
“Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.” ― Irving Berlin

Juneta at Writer's Gambit

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Exactly. Dreams are meant to be chased.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Thanks, Diane.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I'm so glad you found it encouraging. Good luck with your deadline, Terri.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Thanks, David.
And yep, Dezzy, I did take it myself.

Christine Rains said...

Fantastic post. When I was young, I couldn't handle the rejections. Now I take a deep breath, eat some chocolate, and move on. I used to see writing as a solitary pursuit, but now I reach out and get some help when I need it. That's very important to learn!

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Yep, that's how I do it too. And yep, it can take forever. At least, that's how it feels sometimes. ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Someone once sent me chocolate from Germany. That was rather scrummy. But the problem with sending chocolate to Australia is that it's heavy, which means expensive. So save your coin. I love my Space Invaders drink markers (the Dubble Bubble was pretty awesome too). Hugs.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

You are most welcome.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Yep, there comes a time when we have to set those older manuscripts aside and call them finished. Otherwise they'll never get finished.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Thanks, Susanne

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I hope so. Good luck with conquering that difficult chapter.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

So do I ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Yep, it's easy to stay in the wallowing, which is far less satisfying.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

That's a great place to be and I think it's all about attitude and how you approach setbacks.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I totally agree. This year I set aside one of my favourite manuscripts because it just wasn't right. I may go back to it one day, but not quite yet. I have other stories vying for my attention now.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Well said

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

And there's nothing wrong with a little wallow. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for the advice. I try to find a positive in all failures. I've had several failures, but tried to rework them in my mind to turn them into something I can work through.

Botanist said...

A great positive attitude to life's "learning opportunities".

One thing I've learned to be cautious of is trying to repeat successes. A couple of times now I've had a great success in some activity, and then tried to repeat it and failed dismally. I think overconfidence led me to overlook vital differences in the subsequent situations that meant what worked before couldn't simply be repeated.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Yep, I think it's this time of year. At the beginning of the year there's this surge of fresh hope and positivity and by now that positivity is wearing thin when it turns out things aren't happening as fast as we want.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Thanks Southpaw

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

It takes skill to use the same word in a sentence three times ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

exactly right

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Ah, that's an easy mistake to make.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Good question!

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I'm glad you found the post inspiring. Thanks for your enthusiasm.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I agree with your assessment about appreciating success.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Staying with the insecurity is not in the plan ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I think that's quite common. Nothing can stop us when we're young. Maybe that's why YA books are so popular... and not just to a teen audience.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

That's why I like photography so much. It's so inspiring.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Yep, those little steps will get us there eventually.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Yep, your mum send me a note to give you a kick. So get out there and challenge yourself! ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

It's the best thing you can do.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Exactly right. Thanks, Sara

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Well said. It's all about how we judge failure--no one would say a toddler falling has failed. Everyone understands it's just part of learning to walk.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

See, chocolate helps!!
And yes, writing shouldn't be so solitary.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

The mind is a powerful force and so is positivity.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Good point. Overconfidence can cause us to trip up many times. Moving forward with caution is definitely the way to go.

emaginette said...

l have always thought of rejection slips as badges of honor. Only the hopeful, determined writer continues as the pile grows. But there comes a time that the form letter has become rejection with feedback, or the feedback has become a request for rewrite + resubmit.

I'm a dreamer :-)

Anna from Shout with Emaginette

Michael Di Gesu said...

Hi, Lynda,

This is JUST what I needed to read today. I just received my FIRST rejection of the queries I had sent out this week. I wasn't upset, just disgusted. Like you say it's only one pebble on the beach. I have a LONG querying road ahead. I just wish the rejection letter would have SAID SOMETHING other than this is not right for me... blah, blah, blah. At least the agent addressed it to me and not "Dear Author." A small miracle in itself. LOL.

Stephanie Faris said...

Someone pointed out that every rejection takes you one step closer to success. That is definitely true. I stopped counting rejections after 20 or 30 and just ignored them, mostly. I always tried to have so many submissions and contest entries out at the same time, that one rejection didn't really phase me. It was only when I got my hopes up because an editor/agent showed real interest that a rejection really hurt.

Suze said...

Should we ever have the magnificent fortune of meeting face to face, I shall remember dark choc + peppermint or orange.

xx

LuAnn @ BackPorchervations said...

It reminds me of a walk-a-thon I did when I was much younger. At the beginning I was full of bravado and confidence. Three hours and about 9 miles in, I sat down to lunch. Big mistake - but at least I got to change my socks. :O) Three quarters of the way, I hit a big old wall. Thoughts of the caution "we'll have a van following in case people cannot make it" filled my head. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other. At the end, I was literally sliding my feet along the ground, none of that actually picking the feet up for this woman! But I did not stop. And I crossed the finish line.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I have to say the rejections with feedback are a joy. (Never thought I'd say that, lol)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Even a Dear Author is better than no response at all. And yes, it's a long beach. Enjoy the stroll ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

It definitely gets easier, but I hear you with it hurting more when we get our hopes up. Yay for chocolate.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

That's a fantastic analogy. I love it.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I really hope that one day we do get to meet face-to-face.

Unknown said...

To me, feeling like writing everyday is a success. Looking back on what I wrote and actually liking it is a success. Success for different people is different things-- and if we all choose to see lessons in our failures and move on, success might just find us.

Misha Gerrick said...

Awesome advice! That bit about not seeing failures as failures and the one about learning from a failure is key to living as a writer. It's definitely an important thing to learn. :-)

Miranda Hardy said...

Some solid, and great advice to all writers. It's good to place things in a positive perspective.

Theresa Milstein said...

That sounds right.

Liz Blocker said...

That is an absolutely lovely photo :) And lord yes, the only way to deal with mistakes is to learn from them and move on. Otherwise, I just end up torturing myself. Which I still do sometimes. It's a work in progress...

Cynthia said...

Failure is a powerful way to grow!!! It just depends on the way you use the failure...as a stepping stone or a boulder on your back. I love the photo and this post! Thank you, for the motivation!

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I totally agree that success is different for everyone, but I also agree that success is liking what you write. It doesn't have to be perfect to be liked.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Sometimes it can take some time to learn ;)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I'd go further and suggest it's essential to have a positive perspective.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

and it will always be a work in progress--the crucial word being 'progress'.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

I love the way you put it.
Thanks so much, Cynthia.

Toi Thomas said...

Not that I let it last too long, but I sometimes feel like a failure when it seems no one is at all interested in even sampling my work, for free. I feel like, if I can't give this stuff away, then why bother. Then I remember that I don't write for those people. I write for me and share with anyone who is willing to try it.

Nicole said...

Yes! Best advice I've seen for dealing with failure in a while. Turn it on its head!

Kelly Steel said...

Awesome advice..now if only we could convince ourselves about it.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

That's a great reminder. If we try to write for everyone, we set ourselves up for a fall.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Thanks, Nicole :)

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

lol, I hear ya.

Unknown said...

Always great advice, Lyn. :) Good to see you.

M.L. Swift, Writer

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Hey, Mike, great to see you too :)

Crystal Collier said...

Agreed! We all need to be reminded on occasion what if feels like to be driven, eh?

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

exactly :)

Nas said...

Great advice as usual Lynda!

Terri Tiffany said...

The biggest mistake I have made in my writing career is to rush sending it out to agents and not using an editor. Now I have a ton of steps I go through before I hit that send button.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Thanks so much

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Yep, sounds familiar ;)